A treasury of '90s pinball promotional videos provide the guidance you never knew you needed

If you're a good, wholesome person, you like pinball, but if you're like me, you're basically an amateur when it comes to actual playing.  You know not to tilt, you know to make sure ther silver balls need to stay on the playing field and it's your job as administrator of the flippers to keep it there, and you can kind of figure out that it's cool when the ball goes into tunnels and up ramps and on to targets that make the pinball machine react excitedly.

But modern pinball machines are a hell of lot deeper than the "just try to hit all the good flashy stuff" level that the neophyte player enjoys.  There is, in fact, a recommended way to play these machines in order to  follow the "storyline" and maximize your points.

Williams Electronics, one of the primary producers of pinball machines throughout the '90s, produced a number of promotional videos for their machines, used to sell their wares to perspective amusement locales.  And sure, they're just promo reels, but they're more than just sales pitches to buyers -- they're complete guides to how the machines are meant to be played. 

The promo 1993's TWILIGHT ZONE (made by Bally, whom Williams had acquired in 1988) features a Rod Serling impersonator along with clips from the episodes that provided the inspiration for the table:




The DOCTOR WHO pinball machine, made to celebrate the show's 30th anniversary, even features a brief recap of the show, though I doubt the statement that there's a WHO convention in the U.S. on every weekend.


1995's DIRTY HARRY machine features "arresting" new features, but somehow misses the chance to ask "Did I shoot three balls?  Or only two?"  Still, this guide should help you feel lucky.  Punk.



The guide to the pinball machine based on 1994's THE SHADOW should help you figure out exactly how the random cavalcade of silver balls bouncing around relates to taking down John Lone.



And who the heck could possibily resist the charms of Elvira, who introduces the 1996 machine SCARED STIFF, featuring six (!) stories sure to entice any pinball boobie-er-newbie.


Lastly, the promo for THEATER OF MAGIC, one of the few machines not based on an existing franchise, has a full story to engage with.



There's a heck of a lot more fun to be had for pinball junkies as well, so check out Jan van den Munckhof's page here. (MONSTER BASH is a must-see for Universal monster fans.)

Afternoon Music Video: Los Del Rio - "Macarena Christmas" (1996)

Because the holiday season should be, in part, a reminder of tragedy and how best to confront it.


Los Del Rio - Macarena (Christmas Remix) [HD] by musicmeadows

Morning Music Video: Mazzy Star - "Flowers in December"

Recovering from a holiday weekend?  Let the moody, languid vibe of Mazzy Star bring you into a new month with ease.

A Muppet turkey doesn't quite "get" the Thanksgiving holiday

The short-lived "Muppets Tonight" TV series isn't as well-known as a number of other Jim Henson company projects, but it had a fair share of solid segments, like this entertainingly morbid tale of a turkey that's really into "Turkey Day."

Animated short based on Peter Bagge's "Hate"

Writer and artist Bagge has mentioned numerous attempts to turn his cult favorite comic series "Hate," the story of Buddy Bradley, a relatively ambitionless New Jersey audiophile, but the closest it ever came was this animated short, seen in the grunge documentary HYPE!.  The animation is good, but man, Buddy's voice seems all wrong.

HELP!, a 1996 short directed by ALLEGRO NON TROPPO's Bruno Bozzetto

The Cartoon Network's "What a Cartoon!" show was something of an anthology series for animators, and several of the shorts seen on the show were used to jumpstart long-running CN shows including "The Powerpuff Girls," "Johnny Bravo" and "Dexter's Laboratory."  Not all of the shorts had this kind of success, but that doesn't mean they're no good -- take this virtually wordless short directed by ALLEGRO NON TROPPO helmer Bruno Bozzetto about a cat seeking medical attention.

Watch This Thing - Get funked up with a pilot for a Bootsy Collins animated series

Party with funk musician Bootsy Collins on the Funk Express this morning with this ten minute pilot to a proposed MTV animated series that would have found Collins in space with "all the powers of the universe." The show was never picked up, which is a shame, though I wish the animation were as stylized as the ideas.