A treasury of '90s pinball promotional videos provide the guidance you never knew you needed

If you're a good, wholesome person, you like pinball, but if you're like me, you're basically an amateur when it comes to actual playing.  You know not to tilt, you know to make sure ther silver balls need to stay on the playing field and it's your job as administrator of the flippers to keep it there, and you can kind of figure out that it's cool when the ball goes into tunnels and up ramps and on to targets that make the pinball machine react excitedly.

But modern pinball machines are a hell of lot deeper than the "just try to hit all the good flashy stuff" level that the neophyte player enjoys.  There is, in fact, a recommended way to play these machines in order to  follow the "storyline" and maximize your points.

Williams Electronics, one of the primary producers of pinball machines throughout the '90s, produced a number of promotional videos for their machines, used to sell their wares to perspective amusement locales.  And sure, they're just promo reels, but they're more than just sales pitches to buyers -- they're complete guides to how the machines are meant to be played. 

The promo 1993's TWILIGHT ZONE (made by Bally, whom Williams had acquired in 1988) features a Rod Serling impersonator along with clips from the episodes that provided the inspiration for the table:




The DOCTOR WHO pinball machine, made to celebrate the show's 30th anniversary, even features a brief recap of the show, though I doubt the statement that there's a WHO convention in the U.S. on every weekend.


1995's DIRTY HARRY machine features "arresting" new features, but somehow misses the chance to ask "Did I shoot three balls?  Or only two?"  Still, this guide should help you feel lucky.  Punk.



The guide to the pinball machine based on 1994's THE SHADOW should help you figure out exactly how the random cavalcade of silver balls bouncing around relates to taking down John Lone.



And who the heck could possibily resist the charms of Elvira, who introduces the 1996 machine SCARED STIFF, featuring six (!) stories sure to entice any pinball boobie-er-newbie.


Lastly, the promo for THEATER OF MAGIC, one of the few machines not based on an existing franchise, has a full story to engage with.



There's a heck of a lot more fun to be had for pinball junkies as well, so check out Jan van den Munckhof's page here. (MONSTER BASH is a must-see for Universal monster fans.)

John Candy is Rod Serling's son Chris in "The Twilight Zonettes"

On the short-lived sketch comedy program "The New Show," Candy (as Rod Serling's fictional son) introduces a trio of tales that cut right to the point because telling a whole story is such a waste of time!  Watch for Buck Henry, Laraine Newman, Dave Thomas, Tom Davis and Allan Havey.